Couples & Family Therapy
the relationship is the patient
Therapy for Couples and Families
In my work with couples and family members, I am struck by how unique and singular each couple/family’s inner world is from one another. Yes there are often some general dynamics that I’ve seen before, but taken as a whole I find that there is no one approach that fits all. In the beginning of therapy I take the time to step into your interconnected world and understand what it is like to be in each of your shoes.
Each of you want to feel good about yourself, to not feel like you are the problem. To be loved, valued, and seen as someone with important things to say, and not a caricature of your worst sides. Couples therapy can help you put down your defensive armor, slow down, and listen to your loved one with respect and openness. While hurt feelings are not avoidable, I do believe that we can say what we want in a more direct and heartfelt way.
As someone who specializes in helping individuals who have complicated relationships with their immigrant parents, I have seen repeatedly how often these fraught relationships with our caretakers and siblings can impact the way you learned how to trust and love others, and it takes a lot of work to disentangle yourselves from painful past experiences. Therapy is the most effective when each of you focus on your own part of the problem, rather than changing your partner. Becoming as conscious as you can of how your past relationships have shaped your present interactions makes up the bulk of work of couples therapy in the beginning. What follows is bravely committing to a new kind of partnership, an empowered team working together to grow and change into the kind of relationship you want to be in.
Issues can include: Loss of intimacy, breaches in trust, passive aggressive communication, constant arguing over petty things, conflict avoidance, parenting and family challenges, navigating extreme differences (cultural and otherwise), finance and money, sex and intimacy difficulties, navigating mental illness/struggles of one or both partners. I work with a lot of LGBT, queer and trans couples and welcome people from all over the spectrum into my practice.